Bullet-Magnet

To the grimble plup twixt my nether schlee Willst thou apartment claxt be mine? My quifferschlot froths with fervent glee As the brooger flepts my landlord's spline O gribble! Gribble! Schrots and gribble! Thou art grey and burble tots. So phlek my peendle-tube and wet my hibbel And put the bins out on Wednesdays.

Gather round, friends, and play will resume Your greatest adventure you’re here to consume Your roles have been rolled, the Bride and the Groom Let’s see you contend with the Chapel of Doom! Within, you will learn and no doubt be annoyed Your friends and your kin heretofore have deployed They stand between you and your marital joy Your quest is now clear: they must all be destroyed The first wave is simple, some low-level pests These co-worker kobolds and goblinoid guests They gibber and jabber, they’re wearing their best By blade and by cantrip their outfits are messed Next to contend are the ushering ghouls Who insist on enforcing the seating plan rules They hunger for flesh, you can tell by their drool You smite the undead with the edge of a stool And here come the bridesmaids, each one of them: Driders (The torsos of dark elves, the bodies of spiders) And to make matters worse, they have been on the cider The Bride and the Groom might here be outsiders But quick are your wits,

The Journal of Anapaestic Medicine presents: The development and prognosis of Symbiotic Psychosis. An abridged lecture in verse. Now possibly some of you already know this Condition we call symbiotic psychosis So often dismissed as banal diagnosis I bring you the facts on this common neurosis It’s long been endemic in our population Past data has shown an extreme correlation With feelings of panic and frequent elation See Byron ’09 for the thorough citation. Where once thought contagious is has since been shown This syndrome must be co-dependently grown Though we thought that its causal effects were well known We propose past provisions should be overthrown Though one observation we don’t disabuse: The condition binds patients most often in twos One unanswered question still leaves us confused: Are pairs picked at random or does someone choose? This form of psychosis is often acute The coupling short lived, and the binding: minute But once in a while a compulsion takes root The

Little Miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet Plotting her rise to fame Then along came a Spider Who sat down beside her And never would life be the same Now Little Miss Muffet Was not one to rough it With the snakes and the bugs and the dregs But the Spider was keen And his body quite lean And he swaggered on very long legs Little Miss Muffet Told the Spider to “Stuff it I don’t have the time for you.” But the Spider, entranced On his flat feet just danced What is a Miss Muffet to do? Oh Little Miss Muffet Sat firm on her tuffet And practised her withering glare For there’d come a Spider That sat down beside her And sixty years on he’s still there. Well their days were well spent They lived rather content And the times they did flow and did ebb They raised mutant babies To three lovely ladies At home in a cosy cobweb. Still Little Miss Muffet Would often begrudge it The pair of them knew how to brawl Though a decent provider He’s still just a Spider And he drives the poor girl up the wall